Gearin' up for Oh-Seven

I was skimming the posts I've written and wow! It sure does seem like the Playa was a long, long time ago. Even the pictures seem like they're from a different age. So weird. I still find it hard to believe I was there, and oddly, the pictures don't help as much as I wish they did. To get the REAL flashback, I hafta sneak into my garage and open up my gear bins and breaaaaathe deep. THAT'S what I'm talkin' about. Heehee.

I'm starting to get excited about this year's burn. I can't wait to be back out there - chapped lips, dusty hands, 4pm heat and all. The funny thing is that it's really not about the place. Rather it's about a week of just being. It's an incredible gift. But there's something about the otherworldliness of the Playa - the isolation, the barrenness, the climatic extreme of it - that elevates that gift and turns it into something extraordinary. Granted, I haven't been to Critical Massive or Recompression or Xara or any of the other gear-up event, so I can't say for sure, but I have trouble believing that it's as easy to leave your baggage at the gate at those events. They're too close to home and too easy in comparison.

But to trek to the Playa, so far from any urban center (major OR minor), to pack everything you need to survive, to move - in my case at least - from a temperate marine climate lush with evergreens through irrigated plateaus, arroyo, and finally to arid ancient lakebed is really a journey. Among other things, I discovered that my emotional health was inversely related to the aridness of the land! Who knew?

This year will present some interesting challenges. Foremost is the fact that it's my second year. I have expectations now, which will be very difficult to leave aside. Yet, all my reference points will be different: different campmates, different location, different tent, different burn. Last year I went in with blind faith; that will be harder to do this year. Still, to drive through those gates with the expectation of having anything other than AN experience is to set myself up for disappointment. I'll have to chew on this one a while.

The other challenge is that my man Bold will be there with me. I'm extremely excited about sharing the Burn with him - CRAzY excited. But I hear stories of how hard the playa can be on relationships. I'm not super worried about that because although I believe those stories wholeheartedly - I've seen the effects myself on the relationships of friends - Bold and I have a strong, loving, forgiving relationship. We've weathered a lot together and we try to remain in charity with each other. Plus we're on the same page about so much and where we're not, we talk things out. Still, it's easy to get grouchy out there and when you factor in the intensity of the build-up and prep beforehand, well, irritability and flash anger and crankiness are probably inevitable.

The real challenge will be the man himself (Bold, not the MAN). He's fully into going, he's happily involved in the camp, he's active and psyched. I'm making the choice to trust that. I say this cause I remember last year, standing out there, looking at my camp and those around us, and thinking "I canNOT picture him out here." The playa demands that you drop your cynicism, drop your defenses, drop your excuses, and just BE. I had real trouble seeing him able to let go of his need for situational control enough to do that. I'm less worried about that now - he's changed a lot since moving out here - but there are many, seemingly innocuous things he's still unwilling/unable to take risks on. I guess I need to remember that I'm not responsible for his experience out there - he'll get out of it what he puts into it. I need to remember that his experience will be valid regardless of what he walks away with. I need to remember not to burden him with the experience *I* want him to have.

Ah... such an interesting few months ahead of us. I can't wait to see how this unfolds.